Interview

This morning I was interviewed for a job I very much want. Now, several hours after the telephone conversation I'm still left with an unsatisfactory feeling. What happened? It began with the first question I got asked, which was to mention recent work I was proud of. Hearing the question I automatically assumed that I should be proud, that that is a good thing. I was conditioned by the question right away! But what was the purpose of the question? And should I be proud? Ís pride a good thing? I'm not sure. If you're not proud of your own work, does it mean that you're failing? I don't think so. I feel one should be careful of feeling proud. It may be quite an unproductive emotion. If you're proud, would it not mean that you're satisfied with your performance and take away the incentive to do strive for improvement? On the other hand, pride might feel good and make you want to experience it again (like a drug), creating a productive loop, too. Which structure is the more beneficial one?

When I feel pride, I doubt if I feel it for my own achievements. Several reasons: first, achievements are never perfect; there are always mistakes or things that could have been better. Those may not be visible from the outside or be significant, but the 'achiever' is likely very well aware of them. Second, achievements are hardly ever fully ascribable to oneself fully; they most of the time rely on external factors, like contributions from others and specific favorable (or adverse) circumstances. I think that's why pride is being felt not so much for one's own work, but for what others who one has a bond with achieve. Like a coach who is proud of his team, a mother who is proud of her child, or a citizen who is proud of his country or city - the facilitator or mentor for his/her disciples. I think I do feel proud of my own actions when I live up to virtues I consider important (of which perseverance seems to stand out), going beyond compliance with expectations and minimal levels of acceptability.

My view might be a cultural one, stemming from the deep-rooted mental model that underlining one's own accomplishments is regarded as bragging in the milieu I'm coming from and it is not appreciated if one sticks out one's head. But it could be possible that in the US not doing so is regarded as plain stupid, or intransparent and hence arrogant and impolite, or cowardice. This I haven't figured out yet and maybe interesting to test with some natives here. So, in hindsight, I think the question I was asked is a complicated one, which I might have answered more comfortably had I taken some distance from the literal phrasing. I hope this tension was sensed at the other side of the hampering telephone connection. I'll know in a weeks time. In the mean time I have some practicing to do to be better prepared next time. And please, tell me if you think the foregoing makes no sense.

Update Nov. 11th: Application not successful. Bummerrrr! Big time. Got useful feedback, though.